This post may be a teensy bit TMI, but this is my little corner of the interwebs so sue me.
Last week was tough. The past month has been tough. From finishing off PST (exhaustion, excitement, eagerness to get to site and have my own kitchen and sleep in a bed and have a toilet in the same BUILDING as me!), to being dumped in Lushnje, and the slow summer schedule of people here...I've been adrift. Megan had it so much worse, with an abysmal housing situation and counterparts too busy with the election to pay her any mind.
One thing I've learned in life is that just because others suffer, it doesn't make my suffering any less valid. I can't look at others who have significantly bigger obstacles and then feel guilty for my own ones.
Which brings me to the past week. I've had a nasty summer sinus/head cold monstrosity and have been pmsing and the weather? It's 984 degrees here. Not even kidding.
photo from my friend Dan
Actually, it's hovering around 96 degrees and 110% humidity. Like, sitting in the dark in my apartment with a fan running, I still have sweat dripping down my legs.
Needless to say (then why say it), a lot of things culminated to the point of me just hunkering down for a few days. I didn't want to read, or watch a movie, or be productive in any way. I just wanted to sleep all day. I even went to the Blackhawk website a few times to try to watch last week's sermon, but just couldn't motivate myself to sit and listen to a message.
So when I finally sat down this morning to watch the sermon, after shopping for a ton of veggies and fruits and cleaning supplies, with a healthy breakfast and a cup of amazing turkish coffee, imagine my surprise when the topic of choice was Psalm 6 and depression.
I mean, God himself could have shown up and demanded I stop letting my depression punch me in the face, but the whole timing of this sermon did the trick pretty well on its own. The irony that I couldn't motivate myself to watch the sermon for an entire week (taking notes and reading along just seemed too much work) because of my depression and then finding out the topic was depression is too good to ignore. The juxtaposition of my attitude and the message pulled me out of myself and my head.
Thank you, Blackhawk, for the online sermons so I can keep up with you from another continent. Thank you, Matt Metzger, for your honesty, openness, and lyrical way of describing the dirty details of depression. Some people don't get it, some people won't get it, and some have no choice in the matter. At least, in that last group, I find myself in good company.
P.S. bonus points: the lyrics of U2's song "40" come directly from Psalms 6 and 40. Trivia FTW.