Monday, November 17, 2014

That time I got evicted. (Part II)

Enough is enough, decided our knight errant, and so Rudi arrived on the scene on Thursday to "liquidate the entirety" of the apartment according to Lola's petulant wishes. There was a whole list of demands awaiting us when we arrived at the pink apartment, including:

1. Paint the walls (because you ruined them)
2. Put the couch covers in the washing machine (because they're so dirty)
3. Buy a new doorknob (omg enough with the goddam doorknob)
4. Fix everything you damaged (uh, what?)
5. etc., etc., and so forth with illogical and unreasonable sweeping statements of nonsense.

In an almighty furor, Rudi wrote a venomous note back to Lola and got into a fight with Lola's messenger, the hair stylist downstairs. (Because obviously Lola wasn't on hand to actually talk with the Peace Corps rep face to face, which would be just too logical.) And Lena came with her son and took everything left in the apartment, including the stuff Mary just couldn't care less about like a dented ladle and empty peanut butter jars from America and three burned-out candles. They worked shpejt shpejt (quickly quickly) because again, Lola claimed to be returning in a few hours and they all wanted to get the hell out of that situation. But Rudi held onto the key, which Mary would return as soon as Lola returned her rent for half the month of November.

(Might I remind you all that it is now THURSDAY and still Lola hasn't moved her "terminally ill" husband to Lushnje. She gave me FIVE HOURS to get out, and a full EIGHTY-THREE hours later she still hasn't brought him back. I'm sure he's sick, and I really want to feel compassion for her - I do - but honestly, at this point I'm pretty sure she's either majorly exaggerating or TOTALLY MAKING THIS UP for her own convenience.)

Friday was World Diabetes Day, so Mary went back to work for some semblance of normalcy and took part in an activity with the office providing free diabetes blood sugar testing and blood pressure taking in the park. Also, she had an adventure with her washing machine, who is a little persnickety and took a bit to warm up to her. Friday also provided a slight hiatus from the evil (former) landlady, hallelujah praise the Lord.

Six calls from Lola. Six calls from Lola ignored by the fed-up Peace Corps volunteer. One hilarious text message from Lola:

"E lexova letren.Me ty
nuk me lidhi bujaria dhe
ligjesia,por bashkveprimi
reciprok.Laj dritat,ujin,
demet materiale qe me
ke shkaketuar.Marrja e
celesit eshte qesharake.
Ne dhjetor vjen vllai nga
Amerika qe esht i zoti
shtepis.Ai eshte qytetar
amerikan i nderuar.Cdo
gje e ka bler me djersen
e ballit .5vjet qe ka sjell
fondacioni ka dhene
parat qe i takonin vellajt
tim. Ai me tha do
ballafaqohem un me
Merin dhe me Rudin.

Which I understand to mean, basically:

"I read your note. Our agreement was not out of generosity nor was it legally mandated, but out of a simple agreement. Fix the energy and water bills and the materials you damaged. Taking the key is foolish. In December, my brother is coming from America. He owns the apartment. He is an honored American citizen. Everything which you bought with the sweat of your brow over the past half year (five years?) was money that belongs to my brother. He said we will face Mary and Rudi. Lola"

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. I paid the water and energy bills up through October. It is literally not possible to pay the first ten days of November separately at this time. The energy and water places wouldn't let me, so I basically did all I could there. Also, I didn't damage a single thing. Also, what is an "honored American citizen" and is that supposed to be a threat? Because if so that's hilarious. Also I just switched from third to first person, sorry. Also my brain hurts.

And here is where our story concludes for the time being. It has been a week of inexplicable insanity, stress, confusion, and exhaustion. Moral of the story: stay away from crazy people. They have a funny way of trying to ruin your life.

Albania. Always interesting.

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